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Svenetage. February 9, 2010

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I’ve been meaning to do a post about a Sven Goran Eriksson lookalike on the train. I’ve seen him a few times and I’ve done a bit of Google stalking and discovered that a professional Sven-a-like lives in Welwyn Garden City, so it’s probably him.

He

Not sure why he travels up as far as Stevenage in the evening. Maybe he’s seeing an Ulrika lookalike on the sly. He does look impossibly like Sven though – he must get stopped ALL the time.

Ulrika-like: not necessarily having an affair.

Busy floor. January 28, 2010

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It’s fair to say I work in one of the most densely populated areas of office space in the world.

My company is rejigging the seating, so while the workmen redo the second floor, half the displaced colleagues have come and joined us on the lower ground floor.

Quiet time on the lower ground floor.

It’s more crowded and hotter than a Mumbai sweatshop. Probably. It’s only for a few weeks and it’s difficult to conceive an alternative plan. So for now I just have to breathe in and wedge myself into my desk every time my colleagues want to squeeze past my chair, nudging it just enough to be annoying but not quite enough to justify an endless stream of expletive-laden vitriol in their face (which is conveniently close at hand).

There’s only so much HR will let me get away with. And I do push it sometimes.

Sunrise on the 8.07 January 27, 2010

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Apparently I missed a corker of a sunset last night – and I hate that. Nothing like a good sunset to fill you with a sense of childlike wonder and briefly pose questions about ‘the meaning of it all’. And they’re free too.

Anyway, seems I’m not the only one oblivious to all things celestial. Everyone was buried too deep in their crossword/iPod/Blackberry to notice when I took this pic this morning on the train.

Even Stevenage looks good at this time in the morning.

It looks like we’re commuting to our mineral mines on Mars. But we weren’t really.

Ubiquitous jacket. January 18, 2010

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On-trend for Winter 09-10.

This is a Technical Windcheater jacket by SuperDry. It looks very smart. Nice cut. Fitted. Warm. And worn by approximately 4% of the UK male population. Which means I see one everywhere I go. The tell-tale red logo on the rear of the shoulder. The tangle of zips down the front.

On the platform at Stevenage. On the tube. And even at work. It follows me everywhere.

I wouldn’t mind so much but it’s the one I happen to be sporting right now…

The only comfort is they all look as gorgeous and on-trend as me. None of them look ’special’. We’re all expressing our individuality by wearing exactly the same jacket.

What’s the social norm for greeting someone wearing exactly the same thing as you? High fives all round? Not likely. Skulk behind as many people as you can so they don’t see you, that my policy.

Panto time. January 11, 2010

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I went to the Panto the other day (Oh yes I did!).

It was my wife’s idea to go – and what a good idea it was. We kept it a secret until we were actually in the theatre foyer. You should have seen their faces (they were happy).

I walk past Stevenage’s Gordon Craig Theatre twice every day. They’ve got a whacking great banner and a window display advertising this year’s panto, Aladdin, starring me old mate John Altman (nasty Nick in EastEnders) – see My Celebrity Whirl Panto Edition for the backstory.

Paul Laidlaw: writer, director, Twanky.

After seeing it advertised for so many weeks, I was intrigued to see the show – and the inside of the Gordon Craig theatre itself. I wasn’t disappointed.

I have it on good authority that Widow Twanky (or the guy that plays him) writes and directs the show. Well that’s not a secret, but the word is as soon as he’s finished this year’s run, he’s straight on the next one. This is a man who spends his entire working life in Pantoland – like that bloke who used to celebrate Christmas every day until he ran out of money.

He must spend the year sourcing giant golden lamps, auditioning dwarves and collecting all the cracker jokes he can find.

To be fair, it was very entertaining. Wishy Washy stood out for me – a real tour de force, as those West End reviewers might say.

To top it off, my wife and I even caught the marshmallows they threw into the audience – and we were in Row L!

Their run comes to an end on January 24 – that’s nearly 2 months – with matinees too. That’s a lot of “he’s-behind-you”s. Add in rehearsals and the cast and crew have spent a quarter of the year in Panto.

They must have difficulty adjusting to society afterwards; constantly wary of custard pies or saying “Hello boys and girls” every time they walk into a room.

Can’t wait for next year’s extravaganza. Good show chaps, I’ll be back next year.

How to make it snow inside your car. January 8, 2010

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Come the winter months, my reasonable-in-every-way Ford Focus reveals itself to be more damp (damper?) than the average vehicle.

When it’s parked under cover, it’s not a problem, but when I come back to Swingate in the evening, the frost has not only covered my windscreen on the outside, there’s a thin coating of ice covering the inside too. This is hard to shift.

A reconstruction.

I gave it a go with a redundant credit card combined with the blowers on full. You should try it – it makes you car’s interior very Christmassy. As the scraped ice flakes fall from the windscreen, the fans catch them and blow them gaily about the place. They then drift gently down and melt all over my dashboard, probably dripping somewhere mechanically unhealthy.

Plan B anyone?

The heaters don’t really get going until I’ve driven for a bit. Catch 22: can’t go anywhere with the windscreen iced up – it might not be suicide but it’s not a clever idea is it.

I’m leaning towards getting a big bag of silica gel (tarted up with packaging for marketing purposes, of course) to leave in the car and soak up the excess moisture. I”ve found motoring solutions in the past. I can do it again. I shall report back soon.

Shopping trolley news from our Nice desk. January 2, 2010

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My shopping trolley posts of last year proved so popular, I’ve brought them back – and this time with a chic, international flavour.

Low season in Nice. Very low.

I was lucky enough to spend Christmas in France. We treated ourselves to a mini-break in Nice for 2 nights in that calendrial* hinterland between Christmas and New Year – you know, that time when you literally have to scan the Radio Times to discover what day of the week it is.

Nice is great. Amazing for shopping. Even better for people watching. This is clearly a favourite pastime with everyone here as people don’t sit opposite each other outside cafes, they all face out as though spectators for the continuous catwalk of humanity passing before them.

Anyway, a disappointingly overcast walk along the famous promenade turned up not one, but two shopping trolleys on the beach.

They. Get. Everywhere.

Is it enough to suggest twinning Stevenage with Nice? Nice should be so lucky…

* totally made that word up, John.

Hertbeat Highlights of 2009. December 20, 2009

Posted by pottaz in Hertbeat, entertainment.
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Hertbeat is the local radio station I listen to as I drive to park in Stevenage. As a rule, I’m only in the car for 15 minutes but they do a mean podcast featuring the week’s best bits. So here is my own look back at Hertbeat Breakfast’s Greatest Hits of 2009.

Chris, Steve and Dawn (in that order).

11. Steve caught with his trousers down.

It’s true, vacuuming in the summer can get very hot. You’ve got sunshine combined with the hoover pumping out warm air. So how do you keep your cool? Steve decided that being home alone, he was quite within his right to remove his trousers. So imagine his surprise when the Next delivery lady turned up at the back door with a package for Steve only to be confronted by Steve’s package.

And what really made her day was that Steve was wearing his Next pants.

10. The Quest for the Brown Bin.

Hertfordshire County Council are upping the ante when it comes to recycling, introducing new bins for different types of rubbish. This was launched amid much fanfare, but one prominent resident couldn’t join in because they hadn’t given him a brown bin. Steve was reduced to covert midnight missions by the light of his iPhone, sneaking his garden waste into neighbours’ bins.

Steve now has his brown bin, so let’s all try to move on with our lives.

9. Winter comes to Hertbeat country.

In early 2009, snow blanketed our little corner of the UK. Steve arrived on time for his show but couldn’t unlock the gates to the studio because they were iced up. As he was due on air, Steve had no option but to shin over the gates and cover himself in snow in the process. But he made it on time – Dawn take note!

8. Dawn stalking Barry Norman.

Dawn went to the opening of a new deli (not New Delhi) with Barry Norman as the star attraction. Thinking this could be the ideal opportunity to invite him on the show, she blew the stationery budget on gold pens and wax seals to create an invite worthy of Mr Norman. She came away with a signed jar of Barry’s pickled onions – though she did damage it when she dropped it, peddling up a steep hill in Stevenage on her bike.

7. Hertbeat Apprentice.

For a while it sounded like it wasn’t going to happen as all Steve had was the music and a desire to be called SirSteve. But after weeks of wannabes battling it out, Carl Pendlebury won his own evening show on Hertbeat – even though his mum and dad had to ferry him to the studio and back because he couldn’t drive. Bless.

6. 100th Hertbeat Breakfast podcast.

It wasn’t a vintage podcast in the context of some of the previous 99 shows, but it was a fantastic milestone to have reached nonetheless. Happy Hundredth, Steve and the team!

5. Dawn’s dates

Her loss has been our gain, providing us with endless entertainment as her misadventures in love lurched from the ridiculous to plain disastrous. Particular favourites were her slagging off the Brazilian guy she sat next to on a plane and subsequently going out on a date with him, and the man who was weird because he ate all his chips before he started on his burger. Can’t remember if that was the same guy that leant in for a goodnight kiss and received a firm handshake from Dawn.

Dawn may well have found her man, though he doesn’t sound real. His habit of opening her car door for her keeps confusing her into thinking he wants her to drive. He gets up early to cook her breakfast and de-ice her car – though she still has to climb in through the boot when her locks freeze up.

4. Dawn’s willy-towel incident.

Having arrived at her sister’s house in Italy, Dawn felt the need to visit the bathroom to freshen up. She felt much better after washing her face with the small green hand towel – the special towel her sister’s boyfriend uses for wiping down ‘his bits’.

3. Hey Mr DJ.

Who would have thought tha Steve would become a published author in 2009, rubbing shoulders with best-sellers like Kate Price and David Beckham on the nation’s bookshelves. Joining forces with a Russian illustrator / podcast fan, Steve is donating profits of the sale to a local charity. A win-win-win situation for all concerned.

2. A baby Folland.

This is a story that ran for 9 months of the year, culminating in an overdue arrival foe little Fraser. Never mind that Dawn and Benedict forgot to ask what he was called when they spoke to the proud new father.

1. Team Leotard.

For all the joy that becoming a father can bring, top spot has to go to the iconic Single Ladies video from the breakfast team. Who knew that this enterprise would explode from a small studio in Hitchin to backing Beyonce on tour all around the world. Perhaps the best thing about it is Chris’s shame at having taken part, coupled with the fact that the story followed him relentlessly wherever he went and just grew and grew.

Connected by MOTOBLUR™

All change at King’s Cross. December 1, 2009

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I must confess, I got lost at King’s Cross this morning. I felt a bit like a tourist. The sort that stops suddenly in front of people and then turns 180 degrees, ploughing through the masses against the tide.

Why? Because they’ve just changed the layout and opened the new Northern ticket hall. They’ve been working on it for months and now they’ve drawn back the mysterious veil and, er… unveiled the new entrance to the Underground.

I give you... the Northern ticket hall.

They actually opened it all up on Sunday, but I hadn’t noticed until this morning. I probably doubled back on myself a tad but even so, it seemed like I had to walk MILES through brand new Star Wars-style labyrinths just to reach the Victoria Line. Just when I thought I was nearly there, I’d turn a corner and discover a new set

Death Star meets Transport for London.

So if anyone else has struggled with the new layout and your Google search has led you here, I have some good news – here’s a map to help you find your way:

 

Click to see a bigger version.

I’m going to experiment getting in and out using the new layout. I’ve already identified where I went wrong, so I’ve got some work to do. I need to make it as indoors as possible as the temperature has plummeted in recent days.  Still, it looks like the end of being locked outside by TFL staff when it gets busy. Saints be praised.

Tornado at Finsbury Park. November 29, 2009

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Well we have had some filthy weather of late but this was a different type of tornado. Ahhhh, days of steam. Even though I saw the word ‘Tornado’ down the side, the information have found suggests this is the name of the class of engine (or whatever) and the name on the front is the actual name.

Man looks at old train from slightly less old train.

Anyway, there it was,  pulling away from Finsbury Park at roughly the same rate that we were.

My dad would have been beside himself. Hey dad, this post’s for you.

Talisman on the front, Tornado down the side. Don't ask...